I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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