The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Mom said you looked used
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
