...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
