dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
