i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
