hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
