Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
