my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
