I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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