You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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