guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
