I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
