I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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