In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
