I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
