I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
