We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
