i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
People in love make me want to vomit
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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