The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm passing your future prison.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
