This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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