dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
