Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
