sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
