My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i think my cat just said my name.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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