just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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