i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
