So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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