My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
