I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just want to make out with him forever
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
