We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
