Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
