I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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