i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dignity is for republicans.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
