hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
