We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
