dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
