i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
