Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
