Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
