Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
