our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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