Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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