I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Hippo gnu deer
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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