I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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