im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
