Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
