The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
