Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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