Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
