Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
