Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
