I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
