Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
