I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
